Stuff Doers Inc... We Do Stuff

Been sitting here

stuffdoers — Fri, 19 Feb 2010 04:01:13 +0000

Every once in a great while, I take a day to myself. Basically what I like to do is absolutely nothing and kind of just reflect, think, and do what my mind needs to do. I realized a few things today as far as life is concerned. I have some really, really good friends which is hard to come by. It makes me glad that I have the friends I do, though I may not hang out with them as much as they may like to or even as much as I might like to. I also realize that I don’t have a whole lot of friends either, but this is because I have difficulty understanding most people so the friends I do have are few in number. I often find myself wondering when it was I became that way, because I used to love hanging out with my friends every day. However, I have always only had a few friends because I have an issue with the type of person who cant be a real person. Also, I think it has a lot to do with the fact that I am some what of a strange introvert. My friends seem to accept this from me though, which I appreciate more than I may let on. To all my friends out there, I am truly fortunate and I thank you.

Interestingly, I hung my diploma on the wall today. I remember when I was in high school it seemed like I would have never gone as far in any kind of an educational institution. Back in high school, during my junior and senior years I could have sworn I would have never made it out of high school. I like the fact that I surprised myself in that area. Upon graduating high school, I started to attend a community college, which I had thought would be the kind of thing I would do for a little while then just stop doing so my Father would get off my back. I remember the day I got the diploma from that place too. Seemed so strange to me, an achievement that I had absolutely no plan in attaining. It was a certain moment in my life however, when I was visiting a friend in Richmond when I realized that I should follow through. I decided to go through with getting the whole Bachelors degree. My Father couldn’t have been happier, but I was still apprehensive. I managed to get in at Old Dominion, and every day was nerve racking for me. I was so worried while I was in school that I often lost sleep at night over some lame fear as to whether or not I was doing well enough. Some of my good friends can attest to that. I thought about all this as I hung that diploma on my wall and began to remember all the crazy crap that had gone down while I was there. Brewing beer, crazy drinking nights, Asylum flicks, chicks who try to pee on your leg, and shitfountaingates 1 and 2 (the quickening) just to name a few. Goddamn, it all seems like it went by so fast, yet I couldn’t believe how slowly it seemed it was going at the time.

I don’t know exactly when it came about, but I am a BIG time goof off. It had to have happened either around the end of me being in high school or while I was in college. I recall being 16 years old and being very depressed, and I think about it now and I seem to be a more charismatic, somewhat charming person. I work at a Battery store, which is a place that has a large retail aspect to it. I have been there on days already where I just don’t feel like dealing with any person for any reason. However, I am nice and I make everyone laugh even my coworkers. At this point, my coworkers think I am a loon and customers think I am funny. I have started to realize that being all sad and depressed is just a waste of time, that is why I don’t necessarily understand why dwelling on the sad bull shit seems to be what so many like to do. It gets on my nerves if you wanted to know the truth. I have to admit this is somewhat hypocritical of me, because I can never stop thinking about the things that bother me, but I try to not to let it show. I have come to the conclusion that despite my attempts to block out what I feel, I am a very emotional person whether or not I like it. Which brings me to another point…

The more I think about it, the more I just want to talk about it. I have realized that life is an adventure. That may sound a little bit corny I admit. Bare with me on this one, and just sit back for a second and think about it. No matter what you may feel, no matter how good or how bad it may be, it is only temporary. I find this fascinating, not depressing in any way. I like the idea that no matter how sad I may be, I will be happy again. I find it bothersome that no matter how happy I may be, I will be sad again. Knowing these things however are what make it great! I like the fact that I have already experienced enough in my life to be as intelligent as I am in many ways. I feel like I am so very lucky to have the ability to read a person because I have seen so many like them, I like the fact that I know what could bother someone just by having a general sense of their personality. I have had an interesting run so far, and I’m always excited to see what happens next.

Truly, my day has been a success.

-Matt

A month in the life of a Stuff Doer…

stuffdoers — Tue, 02 Feb 2010 01:33:01 +0000

Okay, so its been a super looooooonnnnnngggggg time since I have had a chance to write something here. I just came upon the fact that I actually have a few minutes right now between my new job and, well, being at my new job tomorrow (that is of course before a long pass out session because I am beat).

I guess the best part is that I can say, well I have been doing stuff. Long story short, my computer has been fucked up so I haven’t been able to so much as hit up my facebook for a few hours and then stalk some random story on yahoo like I love to do. I just came into a macbook though and so far its pretty sweet. Im glad to be back online again, its like a long lost friend you see. Its weird, its like there has been so much that has happened since the last time I was able to write something like this, yet it has only been a month. Time sure hasn’t slowed down like I was hoping it would after I graduated that is for damn sure. Since I graduated and lost my computer I have met a girl who is absolutely GORGEOUS. The best part is she enjoys my company so I have been spending an enjoyable amount of time with her. Also, I got a pretty sweet job (thank you bachelors degree). I basically work in a retail store, however it is soooooo much more than that. On the average day, I sell and install a battery in someones car, uninterruptable power source, watch, or cell phone. Also, we build batteries for drills and hundreds of other devices. In fact, I have been building batteries for $15,000 infrared cameras for the past couple of weeks that are the scorn of my life, thank you very much fire and rescue. The cameras are bad ass, but fuck the batteries yo. Those things a bitch only because I have had to crack them all back open and sand them the fuck back down a dozen times because of the fact that the fit is so slim (thats what she said). My fellow stuff doer is spending his days on the lefty coast too. Im glad for him, he really wanted to get out there and I have to admit that when I found out he was going all of the sudden I was like “whoa.” Thank god for social networking, it is a life saver because I still want to stay in on the Death Bus/Psycho Limo screenplay deal he is putting together. This reminds me, KYLE GET ON AIM!!!!! All in all, the past month has been a nonstop joyride and I can’t believe it has gone by sooooo fast. Ahhhh, I cant say what it means to have spent the last 20 minutes typing up a message that only a handful of people will read. Something about it puts a smile on my face. I only hope the smiles keep coming because I have had a lot of them recently and I’m wondering whats been sending them my way. KEEP ‘EM COMIN’!

I have found myself saying two phrases a lot recently:

1. Let that which does not matter truly slide.

2. Life is crazy.

I wonder if this is some kind of growing up mature thing. Whatever it is, times have been good and they need to keep on rolling. Okay, Ill stop boring the internet with my odd cheer and waxing philosophical for the evening.

Viva Los Tres Amigos!

-Matt

Psycho Limo, First Act.

stuffdoers — Mon, 25 Jan 2010 01:12:58 +0000

Check out the first draft of the opening act of my newest slasher horror screenplay, aptly titled Psycho Limo (.pdf): Psycho Limo. First Draft

Read. Cringe. Leave Feedback.

Thanks!

The Audacity of Stupidity

stuffdoers — Sat, 19 Dec 2009 02:18:13 +0000

I have been thinking about this for a while now, stupidity is excusable within reason because everyone has a few moments of stupidity. However, if you are a consistent moron who doesn’t seem to realize that no one is talking to you then what?

Here is what I am talking about: I have this roommate who is a fucking douche bag and has caused me some serious inconvenience in the last semester I have at college. A short time after he moved in, he used so much toilet paper that he managed to back up the sewer line of the house and cause a fountain of shit to spring up on the front yard. Needles to say, after the plumber left and everyone laughed at his XXXXL fat ass and I being the roommate who has to share a bathroom with this moron, I had to tell him not to use so much damn TP so he doesn’t clog the shitter. That is an awkward conversation to have with anyone by the way. I was immediately annoyed because he was so dismissive of what he had caused. YES IT WAS HIS FAULT!!!!! Worse yet, he used so much fucking TP he caused the same thing for a SECOND time. It doesn’t help that he does stupid moron things everyday. For the longest time he had it in his moron head that the world wanted to see his naked fat ass, I mean why the FUCK else would someone so fucking fat leave the door wide open when they shower????????? I actually had to tell him to close the door when he sleeps so I don’t have to hear the moron snore in addition to tell him to close the door when he showers. The best part is that even though I told him to do these things because no one wants to vomit when they are at the house, he still didn’t close the bathroom door when he would shower. I actually had to get mean about it before he listened. The most annoying part is that he thinks someone wants to be his friend. Every time I have company he doesn’t seem to realize that no one wants to talk to him. Everyone ignores him hoping he will get the hint, but he is so fucking stupid that he hasn’t seemed to have figured it out. Now I realize this may sound mean, but he doesn’t add anything except stupid remarks and an idiotic laugh! Im so tired of this sick bastard….. I really am….. I know I am fortunate enough to be done at this school now, but he is still sitting in the same room as my friends (not his friends, he has none.) trying to be all buddy buddy and no one wants to talk to him. The predicament I face is that ultimately he is just an idiot and sometimes people don’t realize it. However it is laid on so thick that no one wants anything to do with him and he still doesn’t get it. I mean how stupid is this fucker???? However, my time at school has ended and even though I just want him to leave me and my friends alone, I don’t have to stay around this area for much longer. The problem is that he is sitting directly across from me and it is taking everything I have not to say the meanest things that are on my mind. Or just punch him in the mouth.

Stay frosty Matt….. Stay frosty…..

I hate that fucker.

-Matt

Movie Theater Etiquette: 5 Rules to View By.

stuffdoers — Sun, 13 Dec 2009 08:52:25 +0000

After an incredibly annoying experience in a theater while watching Brothers, it has come to my attention that the majority of the movie-going public has no idea how to behave in a dark room in front of a big screen. Matt and myself routinely got to the theater about 15 minutes early, bought ridiculously over-priced candy and got our seats just in time to watch the poorly produced and wholly irrelevant pre-movie hoopla (whole nother blog). Roughly 5 minutes before the stupid trailers started, a group of teenage females STOMPED (I kid you not…they stomped) into the theater and up to their seats, laughing like they were the stars of the show. Immediately I had a feeling they would be a problem, so I kept a keen eye on them with my peripherals as the movie got going. Sure enough, before the first act could even wrap up these kids saw it necessary to cough, laugh (Brothers isn’t a comedy, by the way) and talk incredibly loud about nothing. Matt, myself, and SEVERAL annoyed movie-goers with shreds of common decency tried in various ways to silence this noisy shit storm, including yelling “WOULD YOU PLEASE SHUT THE FUCK UP!” numerous times…naturally, to no avail. Racial and social observations aside, it’s baffling to me how someone can be so stubbornly incapable of sitting quietly for 2 hours and NOT ruin everyone’s nice time with their incessant babbling. Upon leaving the theater both equal parts satisfied by the film and miffed by the ignorance of my generation, I took it upon myself to develop a short list of 5 rules that EVERY theater patron should follow, even if only a little bit. If you have more rules of your own feel free to post them after the jump, but otherwise enjoy and (PLEASE) adopt these rules if you don’t already.

P.S: if you don’t agree with these rules, then may I suggest a blog about the proper way to pop your collar and get your faux-hawk just right with whale sperm hair product…douche.

P.S.S: if you ignore these rules I henceforth curse you and I hope that the next time you violate one, a convict sitting behind you in the theater MacGyvers a shiv out of his Sour Patch Kids box and stabs you in the back of your neck….asshole.

#1. No Talking. Just Shut Your Fucking Mouth and Watch: Don’t get me wrong, I’m not saying you can’t utter one single word during the movie, because I’m guilty of talking during the movie too. The only difference is that I am fully aware of how my voice carries and can adjust it accordingly; AND I know when to talk and for how long. Admittedly, I”ll make an occasional aside under my breath if I feel it necessary but I don’t step on jokes, yell at the teen in the woods or ruin dramatic moments with chatter (or phone conversations). However, this rule is flexible depending on the genre because I personally feel it acceptable to make a quiet comment about a sight gag in The Hangover while everyone else is laughing. What is NOT okay is murmuring LOUDLY during an intentionally quiet moment in Paranormal Activity when the audience is urged to ‘listen’ for the spooky sound downstairs. Basically, if you can’t behave like an adult then go watch a kids movie… where I most certainly won’t be in attendance.

#2. No Kids. Period: It’s a recession and just like everybody else in this country, teenage girls need jobs. If your seed is incapable of shutting it’s high pitched yap while I’m trying to watch The Dark Knight, then hire a babysitter. Simple as that. Also…babies don’t belong at a screening of Saw 5, so take them to see a kids movie where (as previously stated) I most certainly won’t be in attendance.

#3. No phones: this is a touchy subject now that texting has become the new talking when it comes to cellular devices. I personally strictly forbid carrying on a verbal conversation in a crowded theater. Your conversation isn’t important enough to spoil my cinematic experience and neither are you or the person on the other line. Take that shit outside or your smartphone will end up in your soda cup.

#4. Deal With Your Candy Wrappers ASAP: Something so simple, but it can be soooooooo annoying. I don’t want to have to struggle to hear the significant exposition of act two because you suddenly got the urge to open the loud ass pack of M&Ms you bought 45 minutes ago. Walk in, sit down, open candy. You don’t have to eat it right away, but it’ll eliminate the potential for future noise interference.

#5. Stop Telling The Story: This is an addition to the first rule, but important enough to have it’s own rule. I can’t count the times someone around me in the theater has had to tell whoever it is they’re with EVERYTHING that’s going on in the film. Example- an esteemed colleague and fellow movie enthusiast was sitting in front of a couple during The Dark Knight, and EVERY SINGLE time a character appeared on screen the man HAD to announce to his lady who it was (“that’s Batman” …..”that’s the Joker”) even if they had already previously been in several scenes. If you have to explain the plot or have the plot explained to you at every turn, you don’t deserve to be there. End of story.

*Bonus Rule: STOP KICKING MY FUCKING SEAT!!!!!

Disrespectfully Yours,

-Kyle.

The Subjectivity of Bitterness…

stuffdoers — Sun, 22 Nov 2009 06:47:40 +0000

I’ll start by saying that I have become one of the most bitter and cynical people on the planet recently. While I’ll admit that this is in no way an endearing quality and may be a cyclical cause of my isolated existence, it’s very hard NOT to be indifferent in a society full of ignorance, stupidity, frat boys, slut bags, reality television and bad movies. I like to think that because I have an angrily cautious approach that my bitterness keeps me sane in a weird way, but I don’t revel in or cherish my own cynicism in the way that elitist artists and musicians look down their noses at people and try to put themselves on a higher plain than the rest of the world simply because they found the sepia tone feature on their Cybershot camera. I like to think I tapdance on the fine line between cynicism and nihilism on a daily basis, simply because I have to in order to survive. The world is a ruthless place, and if you dive into it face first with a naive outlook and expect nothing but sunshine and rainbows every single second of every single day you’ll most certainly be perpetually let down. I simply go into most situations expecting to be disappointed, whether it be a casual conversation with the guy who turns out to be a stoner in line behind me at the grocery store or a “relationship” with someone that I trusted enough to let down that Great Wall of China-sized barrier I keep around my heart…only to have it broken anyway no matter what I do. And that’s just a sampling of what I go through, so I would hope you all would be understanding of and maybe even relate to why I feel the way I do about the world. I’ve rarely ever been granted any wishes and life rarely ever does me any favors, so why should I bother going out of my way to smile all the time. Sometime’s it’s okay to frown. Sometimes it’s okay to be pissed off and miserable. That’s what makes us human, and if we lose that then what do we have left? All we’d have left is a shell of a person, so impressionable they fall for anything and end up just as miserable and unhappy as I find myself on occasion. All that said, I find that bitterness and cynicism can sometimes be subjective, and therefore useless in the long run. For example, say you see a group of teenagers speeding down the highway in a hatchback blasting speed metal screaming at the top of their lungs. Most civilized human beings would just shake their heads and mutter ‘jackasses’ under their breaths to themselves, but think about if you were one of those teenagers. Would you think you were a jackass? Would you think that what you doing was wrong or would you just be caught up in the moment? You’d probably think it was the highlight of your day and would give a shit less about what other people thought or felt about your actions. For that I have to question my reasons for being such a bitter sourpuss, giving the world the finger every day. Is that really justifiable? Is there any REAL reason to be that jaded, or is it all just a piss in the ocean? My answer is that it’s okay to be a jackass every once in a while, but when you do it so often that it becomes who you are, there’s a problem. Having said all that, I leave you with this: if everyone on the world had a sunshine and rainbows disposition, would the world really be any different? Would we all really be any better off in the end? Or would it all just be an illusion masking the hatred and disconnect we all have to some extent?

….and I think about this.

Hatefully yours,

Kyle.

I Like Socks…

stuffdoers — Thu, 05 Nov 2009 08:05:47 +0000

I enjoy wearing socks. Over the summer I got into a phase where I wore flip flops alot, which was new and interesting but now that the weather is cooling off I’ve been wearing shoes and socks again. I wear them around the house even if my feet aren’t cold (which is rare) and I even wear them to bed most nights. I get shit from my dad all the time for wearing socks and most people find that weird that I wear socks to bed but my feet get cold very quickly and I HATE waking up with cold feet. Plus, I find it comforting to have something snug on my feet when I’m trying to get to sleep, and soft cotton socks seem to do the trick. Once I get the money I’m actually considering buying some full body feety-pajamas as both a nostalgic nod to the Philadelphia Eagles zip up pj’s I had as a kid and a grown up way to have comfortable (and silly) sleep attire. Is that weird?

Hatefully Yours,

Kyle

The Female Version of the Douche Bag

stuffdoers — Tue, 20 Oct 2009 03:16:59 +0000

By,

Matthew Davila

When someone refers to a “douche bag” today the thought of a feminine cleansing product no longer comes to mind. In fact, many people will automatically think of that guy they saw on campus trying to hit on a hot chick who was just trying to study or the drunk/high retard who thinks its cool to get into a fight every night. Some may remember a similar term, “tool” which was also popular in the 90′s and early 2000′s, but is now somewhat outdated. Regardless, I came upon the realization one day while watching TV that there is no similar term (at least not to my knowledge) regarding chicks who are stupid enough to date the tool/douche bag or could be considered a douche bag themselves. However, while watching Miley Cyrus act like a complete moron during a spot on the Colbert Report I realized something quite fascinating. Miley Cyrus is that type of chick! Miley Cyrus is the female incarnation of the male douche bag. So, having come to this realization I give this to you, world. Whenever you meet a chick who you feel would be a douche bag if they were a dude or would get along with these douche bags, she is a Miley.

A new word is born, the female version of the douche bag; a Miley.

Definition:

Miley: (Noun) 1. A wretched and disgusting female. 2. A female who is dating an individual who would be considered a douche bag. 3. A female who is an arrogant stereotype. 4. Miley Cyrus.

Ex.

Dude, I can’t believe she is dating that douche bag, she is such a Miley.

Where The Wild Things Are, The Rumpus Review.

stuffdoers — Sun, 18 Oct 2009 23:44:55 +0000

I’ll start by saying that I LOVED this book as a kid and it’s STILL my third favorite book of all time. I WAS one of the wild things for the longest time, and I even had the little stuffed max doll in the wolf suit. Having said that I’d be lying if I said I didn’t have certain expectations going into this film, and now that I’ve seen it I’d be lying if I said it didn’t meet most of those expectations and surpass others. The first time I saw the trailer for this film I got goosebumps, and I even choked up a little bit at the shot of Max and the gang howling on the beach. The film hit me in the same way, and I made the comment leaving the theater that it was everything it was supposed to be. Visually, Spike Jonze’s lens captures Sendak’s book to an absolute tee and it’s almost eerie to see the Wild Things moving and talking as if they jumped right off the page. The detail of the Wild Things is fantastic, and the world they stomp around in is equally striking. The mature and unapologetic approach of the book makes it accessible to adults and kids alike. Those same elements in the book were brought to life in the film; from the grown up issues that tell an adult story to the peppering of fun, silly howling and rumpuses that tug at the heart strings of the little kid in all of us. The only thing I could find to complain about with this film was the sometimes dry and often slow paced story, but in reality it still stuck with the theme of the book while simultaneously telling it’s own tale, so my complaint isn’t very warranted or deeply committed. I would very much like to see this film again in theaters and possibly in IMAX because I would like to see the landscape and the Wild Things on the big, BIG screen. Even though it wasn’t “knock your socks off and blow you to the back of the theater” good, the film was exactly what the book was and even a little more: wild fun from beginning to end.

7/10.

Howlingly Yours,

Kyle.

Paranormal Activity…A Cautionary Tale.

stuffdoers — Wed, 14 Oct 2009 10:52:40 +0000

Once Matt and I finally reached the theater for a 10pm showing (no thanks to my god awful internal GPS) we sat in an awkwardly quiet auditorium, sans pre-movie ads and redundant behind the scenes B.S for what seemed like an eternity as throngs of kids looking WAY too young to be let into an R rated flick piled in and chit chatted nonsensically. I only make a point about the borderline annoying atmosphere because it will be important later when the movie gets going, and anybody who’s been to an intense horror/thriller flick in a theater full of blabbermouths knows the ramifications of such behavior….But I digress.

To judge Paranormal Activity as a horror film, you have to gauge it against films of it’s ilk that came before it such as Blair Witch, because it’s often times self aware low-budget style and single camera POV approach bear striking resemblance to the 90′s flick about teens wandering around the woods scared of their own shadow. Take away the woods and add a cute couple with an unwelcome demonic house guest and you get Paranormal Activity. Billed as the “scariest movie in decades” and only recently brought into wide release after an unprecedented web-based demand system dragged it out of limited release obscurity, I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t expecting a half-way decent horror experience. CAUTION: If you haven’t yet seen it, please don’t trip over yourself to rush to the nearest cinema the way I did, unless you enjoy wasting money and time in the pursuit of severe disappointment. Maybe I’m jaded to an unflappable degree, or maybe I was in a theater full of jumpy puss-pusses, but I wasn’t legitimately scared until about Act 3 of this slow moving creep show. The ‘scary’ moments in the early going were made less scary by the idiots in the theater jumping at nothing, laughing at things that aren’t funny and murmuring all over the quiet parts where we were supposed to ‘listen’ for a noise in the house. The tripod camera/night vision approach is artful and interesting, but the execution lends itself to repetitive scenes of a couple laying in bed while shenanigans take place around them…BORING! Once the couple starts getting involved in the action the scare factor ramps up, but the ‘startling conclusion’ is hardly worth the long….long………long buildup of talking, flickering lights and slamming doors that preceded it.

I’ll end my rant with this: I went into a horror movie expecting (and very much WANTING) to be scared, and ended up just laughing at both intentional and unintentional jokes instead of jumping out of my seat, and ultimately leaving the theater wishing I had gone to see Couples Retreat…surely it’s a much more a more horrifying experience.

Rank: 6/10.

Hatefully Yours,

-Kyle.